his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
