the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
