hotel room ftw
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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