I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
