Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
