I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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