im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize