i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
