you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
