Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize