So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
