So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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