I'm gonna have a badass scar
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
