Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
