She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
