You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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