She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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