Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
