I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize