You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
