The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
