well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
