Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
