Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
