Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He passed out mid-signature
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
