i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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