I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
