My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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