The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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