so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
