would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
