i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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