My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
