I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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