if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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