Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Randomize
