I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
