you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
