she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize