Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
