i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
