addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
