How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
