wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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