where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
