It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
