I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
