He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't turn off my feet"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
