Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
