So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
