My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I love having hate sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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