Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
