Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
