Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize