He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
