they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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