finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
