Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
