Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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