Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
