if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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