It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
