Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
