note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
