Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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