i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
