Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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