It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
